


Eddie Kaspbrak's: // pros and cons of (possibly but maybe not) dating Richie Tozier, one of my best friends.//

by reddieornaw



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Bullying, Child Neglect, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Abuse, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:20:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23596756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reddieornaw/pseuds/reddieornaw
Summary: Hello everyone! This work was taken down and is now being reuploaded. :)What are the effects on growing up tangled in lies?While Eddie grows up and finds himself, he is caught up in what feels like a nightmare.Will he be able to unravel the secrets Sonia has built around him his whole life?Will he be able to live with the truth behind those secrets?
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 7
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

The people we surround ourselves with, the environment we live in, the house we step foot in everyday influences us strongly; however, what truly, deeply changes our lives for the better is ourselves.   
The moment we start to accept and love our mind, our body, our soul, is the moment everything starts moving, as if up until that moment we had lived life in slow motion. 

That's exactly how Eddie Kaspbrak felt on the night he stood up to his mother, yelling at her for lying to him about his illnesses and his supposedly vital medications.

When he looked at her firmly in the eyes, Sonia knew she had lost her son and she would do anything to retain what little she had left of him. 

The moment Eddie lifted that aspirator and threw it in the air, those slow-motion movements turned into full speed emotions, making him feel as though he was out of breath. And it certainly was not an asthma attack. 

Though he was only twelve at the time and had no idea about it, that moment would change his life forever. 

At sixteen, Eddie started unraveling a new, marvelous part of himself: his sexuality. At sixteen, just past the age of blind, childish foolishness, he started seeing the world with different colors and in different angles. 

It all started out on a normal January day: he woke up, got ready for school, grabbed his things and went to meet Bill at the bus stop–another thing he had been working on: his fear of germs and public spaces.

While he was on the bus, he kept on looking at the couple two rows ahead of them, holding hands and exchanging disgustingly sweet looks. When the boy leaned in to kiss the girl, Eddie looked away, his face hot with embarrassment. 

«Whu-what is it, Eddie? Are you feeling desperate for a girlfriend, too?» Bill teased him, his stutter now almost forgotten after years of therapy.

«As if!» the smaller boy exclaimed, looking offended – why did he feel that way, though? 

Richie was always telling stories about the girls he messed around with, Ben was with Beverly and Bill often made a comment about some girl that caught his eye. Mike was the group's softie, always hoping to find true love somewhere in the dark heart of Derry...and Eddie?

Well, Eddie hadn't really thought about it that much up until that January day. 

And he wished, that day, that he hadn't thought about it _at all_ , since all he could do was think about how soft the boy's hair must be, and how nice it would feel to receive a kiss like that. 

He wasn't stupid, okay? 

He had always known, ever since he was old enough to comprehend that boys liked girls and girls liked boys, that he was in certain ways closer to boys than girls; and he blamed it all on the fact that he was a child and he didn't need to worry about those things. 

But growing up meant seeing things on a whole new level, and he wasn't sure he was ready to accept that, as though admitting that to himself would be another flaw he would carry on his shoulder.

He then would be the hypochondriac, asthmatic, small, weak girly gay boy of Derry. Fantastic.

As soon as the Losers gathered around Bill's locker, as usual, Eddie started to forget about his worries, smiling at Stan and Richie's bickering, Beverly and Ben's lovey attitude and quietly talking to Bill. 

«Is everything okay, Eddie? You seem...off, ever since guh-getting on the bus» Bill sounded pretty worried. Was he _really_ that obvious? 

«'m fine,» the other one smiled at him, hoping he was convincing enough «just a bit tired.»

He wasn't used to lying, especially to Bill: he was the one he was closer with, even more so than Richie, with whom he had a different relationship.

«What's got you hot and bothered, Eddie Spaghetti? Is it my handsomeness?» Richie exclaimed, pulling him closer and holding him so he couldn't escape, no matter how hard he wiggled around. 

«You wish!» Eddie snorted back, suddenly very much aware of how his friend's body felt against his, of his horrendous but oh-so-endearing way of dressing up, of his vague smell of cigarettes, of the way his glasses fell on his nose...Eddie violently shook his head, almost laughing to himself – how could he even think something like that about _Richie_?

Richie was loud, annoying, had a foul mouth, a beautiful mouth to be honest...slightly chapped and those arms fit perfectly around him and maybe he was always attracted to him, but he couldn't admit it to himself.

Suddenly, as if touching him burnt him, Eddie was able to tear his body away from the taller one, looking at him in shock and mild disgust – only he wasn't disgusted with his long-time friend, but with his own thoughts. 

They exchanged a long look, while the others pretended not to pay attention to them, in which Richie seemed to say ' _What the heck just happened, Eds?_ '. 

He just huffed, stomped his feet and went away grumbling a see you later.

Coming lunchtime, Eddie was still very, very grumpy– one thing was to like boys, another was to like freaking Trashmouth Tozier, _his_ Richie, part of the Losers, of his family. 

  
It didn't help that they shared a few classes, and the fact that he had looked very hurt when had Eddie decided to sit somewhere else instead of sitting with him, and that he had kept on giving him big confused puppy dog eyes.    


And honestly?    


Eddie was about to stand up, slap him for being him, and then kiss him, and slap himself and never step foot out of the house again. 

Richie, being himself, kept on pushing Eddie into telling him what was up. So he sat next to him during lunch, stealing some of his fries and obnoxiously poking his sides from time to time, ignoring the huffs Eddie was letting out as a warning to just _stop_. 

«Okay, Eddie, I'm the only one who will say it so please, for the love of whatever freaking thing is up there, spit it out. What's up?» Stan mercilessly said, irritated by his friend's bitchy attitude; he had barley participated in the conversation, and then proceeded to snob every suggestion about the plans for Saturday. 

«What, I can't have a bad day?» Eddie snapped, maybe a little bit too harsh for the situation «Big freakin news, I _can_! And I don't have to tell you everything, either!»

The hurt look on the Losers was enough to let Eddie know he said something wrong: of course he had to tell them everything, they were family. And family helped each other, stood by each other. He was never one to keep things from them, and obviously the new change in attitude had them all surprised and disappointed. 

«It's okay, guys» Ben stepped in, calmly speaking «maybe we all need to calm down. Eddie's having an off day, no big deal.»

Beverly lovingly squeezed Eddie's hand, giving him a reassuring smile and being...Beverly. Bill, on the other hand, was still intently staring at him, brows furrowed and everything, as if he were trying to tear him apart and analyze every inch of him. 

«Sorry» Eddie mumbled, standing up «I'm gonna go get ready for next period.» 

«What was _that_?» Stan said as soon as his friend was out of sight «He's so out of himself, he hasn't been this way in a long, long time.»

«Did I do something?» Richie asked, confused. 

«You always do something» Stan interjected, but Bill shook his head.

«No. Something's bothering him, ever since this...this muh-morning, on the bus, shit! I think I said something that upset him, but I don't get _why_ it offended him.»

That line in the bus kept on going on and on in Bill's head – _Whu-what is it, Eddie? Are you feeling desperate for a girlfriend, too? –,_ and still, it made no sense.   
Unless...Eddie _had a girlfriend_ and hadn't said anything to anyone? Could it be?

Eddie went home right after school that day, only stopping briefly at Bill's locker to say goodbye to his friends, giving Stanley a 'sorry' stare. 

As he walked home, lost in thought, he heard voices coming from an alley. Voices he surely knew, but he couldn't quite place his finger on who it was.

So, thanking mother nature for his small figure, he hid behind some trash cans to listen on the whispering. 

«Come on, Vic, we better get the fuck outta here» Henry Bower's voice still made his skin crawl, even long after he stopped being a bully. 

No one ever knew why or how he stopped, but one day their gang kind of broke apart, leaving Vic and Henry and Patrick and Belch. 

Bowers still wasn't the kindest boy on earth: he still gave you harsh stares and remarks if you looked at him too much, or if you accidentally bumped into him in the halls, but there was no more tormenting kids, or beating them up – _no carving words into their skin like that one time with Ben._

«Five more minutes» the other one said, a hint of a smirk on his face «it's not like anyone ever comes around here anyways.»

Eddie finally gathered up the courage to peer around his hiding spot, only to see something he never thought he'd see: Henry kissing Vic softly on the lips, smiling as he did so. Vic wrapped his arms around the other boy, pulling him closer and sighing in content. 

Fighting the urge to gasp or squeal in surprise, Eddie slowly crawled out of the alley and speed-walked home. 

He simply grumbled an hello to his mom before running to his room and shutting the door behind him – nothing uncommon those days, with the only difference that on that particular January day, Eddie had a lot to think about. 

He spent the afternoon contemplating whether he was more stunned by the fact that he _maybe_ liked his long time friend or the fact that he saw Henry freakin' Bowers kiss a boy. 

He wondered how it felt to kiss a boy and be kissed back, amazed by how soft it looked instead of the roughness he had pictured in his mind. He ran through that moment he had witnessed over and over again, until he snapped out of it right when the vinyl stopped playing 'I wanna hold your hand' by the Beatles and he changed Henry's face with Richie's and Vic's with his own. 

Huffing, he stood up and put another vinyl on, which he had gotten at a very cheap price with Beverly, who was the best at digging around thrift stores. Nothing compares 2 U started playing and he fell on his desk chair, feeling like a schoolgirl who just discovered what having a crush is like. 

Then, a stupid idea popped in his mind: what if he made a _list_ of reasons why he shouldn't even think of Richie as anything more than a friend?  
He grabbed a pencil and a sheet of paper, all too enthusiastic about an idea that childish...

Sure enough, in a few minutes the list turned into: _pros and cons of (possibly but maybe not) dating Richie Tozier, one of my best friends._  
The title was not that great, he admitted it, but he divided the page in two nonetheless and started writing down pros and cons. 

It went a little like this: he's cute – he's _RICHIE,_ he makes me laugh – he's obnoxious, he knows me well – he is ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS!!!, he has nice lips and eyes and arms..etc – he might not be attracted to boys.   
Then he added a final sentence: _and he might hate me if I ever told him that I liked him_. 

Eddie knew he had been spending way too much time thinking about the same thing when he started feeling a full on headache coming on.   
He decided he'd go out, have a walk to clear his mind.   
But the center of his problems decided to show up unannounced at his window. 

  
«Hey!» Richie exclaimed, trying to fit his long limbs in the window. 

Eddie jumped, cursing under his breath, and quickly folded the small piece of paper, putting it under a book.   
«Rich!» he said, «What are you doing here?»

«You looked pretty upset todayeh Mr. Kaspbrak. Wanna talk about it with Dr. Tozier?» he flopped on Eddie's bed, arms behind his head and everything, a big grin on his face. 

«It was nothing really» Eddie said, trying to ignore how Richie's shirt rose just enough to show his happy trail – shit, when did he get so hairy? Eddie looked like a newborn baby, with almost no hair at all. 

«C'mere» Richie said, opening his arms for him. It was nothing uncommon between the two, on the contrary it was usual for them to be very touchy and cuddly, but this time it felt different. 

Eddie gave in to the temptation, thinking that if he wanted to really understand if he _liked_ liked his friend, he had to keep on acting normal. So he crashed on the bed with him, snuggling closer and closing his eyes as his scent filled his nose. 

«Please, I don't feel like talking about it» Eddie said, anticipating the questions «it's...something I have to figure out alone, okay?»

  
Richie hummed in response, and after a bit they both fell asleep to each other's breathing. 


	2. Chapter 2

There's nothing Richie loved more than Saturdays at Bill's. 

  
Out of all the Losers, he was the one who lacked affection and love the most, with what little interactions he had with his parents; so gathering at Bill's for the weekend was like a big family reunion in which he was showered with attention – be it an hug, a smile, the presence of the others or even a snarky remark by Stan, he equally appreciated it. 

On Saturdays, Richie was the first one to show up to the house, bringing all sorts of snacks and lots of laughter. 

«Richie!» George screamed every time he arrived, hugging him. 

Georgie _loved_ him to death: according to him, Richie was the funniest, the coolest, the weirdest and the one who taught him the most uncommon bad words. Stan insisted he invented them, but Georgie was sure he was simply far too boring to know those words. 

That little ball of mischief loved everyone, though, and each member of the Losers Club loved him dearly as well, as if he were some shared little brother among them.

«Hi there, badass!» Richie exclaimed, looking a kid himself. He threw his bags to the ground and lifted the boy up in the air, joy filling up his chest just by hearing him laugh. 

«Told ya' it was Rich» Bill said, coming down the stairs followed by Stanley «he's only ever this loud when he comes. Sometimes I think he'd swap me ov-over for him anytime.»

«It's just my charm, Billy boy» Richie said, flashing a toothy smile «And why are you here this early, Birdman?»

«I feel a headache coming on» Stan deadpanned, avoiding his question. 

Richie frowned as Bill cleared his throat and said «Okay, let's set everything up before the others arrive.»

The three began pushing the furniture around so that there was enough space for the seven. 

«Okay, what's got your panties in a twist, ladies?» he finally asked when they started whispering, unable to keep his mouth from running.  
«Nothing!» Stan said, and then the doorbell rang.

Eddie, Beverly and Ben came in and Richie soon forgot about the question he had asked. Mike was supposed to come a little bit later because he had to do chores for his granddad before going out. 

Eddie soon began working on getting everything set up for when the last Loser came and they'd watch films. It was something he always did, and he was thankful for that since he could avoid Richie for a while. 

He started dividing popcorn and chips in different bowls, all while frying an absurd quantity of fries. 

Beverly came in the kitchen an leaned against the counter, an amused smile on her face «I get that you enjoy cooking, but you seem too frantic, even for being Eddie Kaspbrak.»

«Ah–» Eddie said, looking unsure «I'm okay.»

«Yeah, and I'm a good mannered lady» she replied, rolling her eyes and sitting on the kitchen isle. She observed him going around the kitchen looking like a tornado: he was frying, grabbing glasses and stacking plates all at once.

«Eddie.»

She sounded dead serious, so he stopped dead in his tracks and sighed: when Beverly Marsh wanted something, she obtained it. 

«I know – _we all_ know something's on your mind. You're part of our family, we know all of your quirks and all of your moods by heart. For example, you get bitchy when you don't sleep well. You get mean if you feel threatened. You get itchy and start doing _this_ when something gives you anxiety.»

Eddie cast his eyes downwards, feeling like he got caught doing something bad – only he didn't do anything, right? 

Beverly sighed.   
«Look, I don't want to force you into saying anything. Just – just know that we love you and, whatever it is that is bothering you, we can help you go through it all.» 

As soon as he was alone, the small boy started crying. He cried because he felt a horrible friend for not telling them what was going on, because he was ashamed of himself, because he feared they'd hate him and because he felt the love radiating off of Beverly's words. 

After a good five minutes of nonstop crying, he dried his tears and went back to cooking. 

He felt a little less anxious after what his friend said to him, a thought starting to bloom in his head: what if they didn't care?   
What if he was just over-thinking everything? 

  
Either way, it was just too risky to tell them straight ahead. He'd have to wait and come up with some sort of plan first, not wanting to jeopardize their beautiful friendship for a stupid crush of his.

He finished cooking and brought everything in the living room, where Mike had finally arrived.   
He greeted Eddie with a big hug, eyeing the food he had just carried «Oh gosh, you're the best!» 

As everyone bickered and tried to settle on a movie, Eddie could feel someone staring at him – sure enough, it was Bill. He was intently looking at Eddie's puffed face, cocking a brow.   
Of course he would notice he had been crying. The smaller boy gave him half a smile. 

  
Finally, when they agreed they'd watch _The Neverending Story II_ , the Losers started occupying their places: Mike, Bev and Ben were all sitting at the feet of the couch, buried under big soft blankets.   
Stanley and Bill took up the whole couch, the first leaning his head on his friend's shoulder, and Richie chose the armchair as usual. 

Eddie looked at him, cheeks flushed, and the lanky boy opened his arms to welcome him in their usual spot. The asthmatic sat on Richie's lap, cuddling up to him and inhaling deeply. 

Eddie could do nothing but think of the fact that he was, in a way, taking advantage of him: Richie knew nothing about his 'crush' for him, and he was acting as always did... hugging him, letting him close. 

But what would happen if Eddie confessed? Would he push him away in disgust?  


As he kept on thinking over and over the same things, the movie ended and everyone stretched out of their seats. 

Stan had fallen asleep, so Bill offered to carry him upstairs while the others put everything back in place; Zack and Sharon were more than okay with the Losers using their house as a meeting place, but they'd get pretty upset if they left a mess around. 

«Can I help you, Eddie dea-h?» Richie said, his English accent getting more and more persistent with each day. 

«I'm only carrying, like, three cups» the other one deadpanned, trying to hide his smile at his friend's cute gestures.

Behind all of his dirty jokes and the voices, Richie really was a sweetheart...he just had a weird way of showing it.

«Doesn't matter» Richie shrugged, adjusting his glasses before helping him out «so. You haven't really told me anything about how things are at home?»

«Everything is the same» Eddie sighed, «we don't talk, barely ever at home at the same times...you know? What about you?»

Richie hummed in response, then gave him a sideways glance.   
«I haven't seen them in two weeks. I just got a note saying Went left for some bullshit work thing and Maggie was at some aunt's – I don't even knew I had aunts, but okay.»

Eddie left the now empty bowls on the counter, sitting on the edge of it and looking at Richie expectantly, silently letting him know that if he wanted to let it all out, he could. 

In fact, the lanky boy took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose «I feel like I don't even know them, Eds. And the sad thing is... I do have memories of them being loving and of us being a happy family. It's just I don't know how this all happened.»

«I wonder if things would've been different if my dad hadn't died» Eddie blurted out, feeling touched by his friend's words.

They shared a moment of silent comfort before Richie loudly burped.

«Here he goes again...» Eddie singsonged, rolling his eyes without hiding his smile this time.

«You love me and you know it» Richie said, toothy grin and all. 

As soon as everyone settled up to go to sleep, Eddie felt tears burn his eyes. 

Feeling Richie pulling him closer to him while he slept made him all the more emotional; you see, he wasn't just afraid of rejection. 

He didn't want to risk losing what they had: the snarky remarks, the constant bickering, the heart to heart conversations, the totally unnecessary touching, their 'nap dates', their dynamic. 

Little did he know that what felt like a crush, would turn out to be much more. 

And little did he know, that at the same time just a couple blocks far from Bill's house, Sonia was having a very heated conversation. 

«For the millionth time, get _out_ of my house!» she shrieked, face puffed and red from screaming so much. 

«Sonia, we have to talk about this and you know it» a man stood in the doorway, looking green with disgust. 

«There is nothing to talk about» she insisted, «may I remind you that you have a restraining order? You CAN'T be here! I could call the police and have you arrested now!»

«That restraining order is _bullshit_ and I didn't even come here to fight! I just came here because in _your house –_ that, of course, _I_ bought – there's something of mine. Very important to me.»

Sonia paled at those words – he didn't know, how could he? That was impossible.

«I want my mother's necklace back. I forgot about it up until now, when –»

«When you decided to get married, so you had to give it to her? Ah! I don't have it, sorry, you can go now» she pushed him out of the house, «go away!»

«That's absurd, Sonia, really?» he was beginning to lose his temper, when a police car stopped in front of the house. 

«What's up, you two? We received a call because of the screaming. This man bothering you, Mrs. K?»

She looked evilly at him, with a sick and twisted stare: she knew she could ruin him in that specific moment if she wanted to, though she did nothing but stare at him. He sighed and retreated. 

«Not at all, officer!» she called out, «He was just leaving.»

The man left without another word, getting on his car and leaving Derry once again. 

Sad thing was, he didn't know he had a lot more to come back for than an old necklace. 


	3. Chapter 3

Eddie had no memory of his father whatsoever – according to his mother, he had died of lung cancer when he was one. _  
Bad smoker was your father, Eddie dear_ she used to tell him, in the rare moments she spoke of him, _and God made him pay for his vice._

When he was little, Eddie didn't understand what a vice was, and why God made people pay with life for their mistakes – how did he even take someone's life? 

With time, though, he started getting the concept of God more and more.

At one point in his life, he even had a terrible fear of him: always went to church, never said bad words and prayed every night. It wasn't because he was moved by sincere faith, but because of the things his mother had pushed into his head. 

Only later on, he was able to get rid of that horrible perception of God and eventually, he started to question him and his existence. Stanley had looked at him like he had grown a second head for a while, like he couldn't believe someone even _dared_ to think such outrageous things. 

Every now and then Eddie thought about his dad, how things would've been if he hadn't died, how many things he could've shared with him...he even wondered if his mother would've been any different.

Lately he found himself crying in shame, thinking of his father and how he would've felt having a fag as a son. _That_ had become a constant thought throughout his days. 

But fighting who he was had been just a waste of time and energy so far: in the last month, Eddie had tried forcing himself into sports, into liking cars (because apparently it was a very manly thing to do?), into anything except one thing...girls. 

It was weird, thinking that being with a girl in any romantic way possible scared him or even disgusted him. So, on his way to school, Eddie decided that he'd get rid of that one possibility of becoming straight by forcing himself to like girls. 

As soon as he was at school, he looked at the first girl that caught his attention: Beverly. 

  
Beverly was, with no doubt whatsoever, _very_ pretty.   
She had nice hair, a nice smile and cute eyes...but staring at her made him feel nothing at all. _  
_

_Maybe she's my friend and it's weird,_ he thought, _maybe I need to try with some other girl_. 

«Everything alright, Eddie?» Bev eyed him funny, with a smile on her face.

«Yeah» he replied, quickly blinking out of his thoughts, «just thinking about my homework.»

_Wow, lame._

He let his eyes wander around the hallways, just as Greta brushed past him giving him a nasty stare. Her perfume filled his lungs as he scrunched his nose in disgust, looking at her curls and how they fell on her shoulders, the way her hips swayed...there was no doubt at all, Eddie was in fact gay.

But you never know if you never try, right? 

So he came up with a whole new plan in his head, only it involved pretending to be straight. 

On that same day, Eddie started looking for the perfect girl to experiment with. The problem was, everywhere he looked he saw none that didn't made him gag when he thought of kissing them. 

So he looked through all the girls in his English, Biology, Maths classes and settled on none, deciding that he'd give up on it for the day since his last class, Chemistry, was hard and he had to focus on what he was doing in the lab. 

As soon as he entered the classroom his eyes started looking for Richie, though he was nowhere to be seen. Nothing new, he must have skipped class...or maybe he was with some girl going at it behind the football field benches. The thought made his skin crawl and his stomach lurch, putting him in a very bad mood. 

There were only two spots left: one near Greta Bowie, whom he avoided like the plague, and one near a chubby girl with big glasses.

«Hi» he said, smiling shyly at her «can I pair with you?»

  
«Yes» she said, not looking particularly interested «What's your name?»

  
«Eddie» he said, extending his hand «what about you?»

  
«Suzie» she finally smiled back, and started chatting about whatever the professor wanted them to do that day. 

Eddie really wished he had less on his mind so he could focus on their conversation, but he kept zoning out...until, like the harsh snap of an elastic band on your wrist, he had an idea: _Suzie_ was going to be his experiment-girlfriend! 

  
She was just perfect: not too girly, intelligent, nice and didn't smell like she had put three liters of perfume on. 

After his lesson, Eddie went home with her number and the hope he could finally become straight. 

As he walked home, he stopped by the same dark alley he had stopped by a while ago, but Henry was nowhere to be seen. He didn't know why that thought kept on popping in his head, but it made him feel uncomfortable for some reason. 

«Hey, Princess» Belch Huggins grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, making him stumble backwards «whatcha doing here all alone? It's a pretty dark place for a fairy.»

Eddie was red with anger, fear and shame «Don't call me that! And let me go!»

His screaming only irritated the bully, and at his side appeared the other psycho, Patrick Hockstetter «Shut the fuck up or I'll stick a broom so far up your ass–»

The sentence was cut short when someone punched Patrick right in the face, making him fall, and Belch shouted «What the fuck?! Are you insane?»

Eddie turned around sure to see Mike or Bill or – ignore the lovesick stare –, Richie. 

  
To his surprise, though, Henry Bowers stood there, yanking him away from the bully's grip. 

«Leave him alone» Henry said «you hear me?»

  
Eddie had no idea why Henry was so suddenly defending him, and he looked up at him with an expression that screamed fear and confusion.

«What, the freak is your friend now?! Are you all trying to form an alliance or some–» the sentence was cut short again when Henry stomped his foot on the ground. 

  
«Leave. Him. Alone» he said «this is the last time I'm saying this. Next time, you know what comes. And I'm no big mouth...I mean what I say.»

The two looked astonished but went away, leaving Eddie alone with Henry.

The other boy started walking away, throwing a «Be careful where you go, brat» at him. 

Eddie stood there in shock for a while, until his brain caught up with the rest of his body and he was struggling to keep up with Bowers «Hey! Why did you help me?»

The boy didn't answer his question, only kept walking, and Eddie grabbed him by his sleeve repeatedly asking that question. 

  
«Can't you just fucking let me be?!»

«Okay» Eddie said, serious «but just to let you know, I'm not...I'm not what they said I am.»

  
«I _don't care_ » the taller one said, «deny it all you want, you are what you are. Trust me on this one.»

Eddie watched him go away and then yelled a «Thank you!», to which Bowers responded with «Don't sweat it, brat.»  


When Bill received Eddie's call, he was in the middle of a very heated conversation with Stanley. 

They had been sitting on Bill's bed for a while, the first with red puffy lips and the latter having two of his shirt's buttons undone . 

«Are you – I mean, are you suh-sure?» Bill had interrupted their make out session, half sitting on his bed so he could look at him right in the eye.   
And then Stanley had exploded. 

«What do you mean? Bill, I've been making out with you for almost a month, we had dates, we had movie nights, I invited you _birdwatching_! I _am_ serious about making out and about my feelings, but if you're unsure about yours, then you shouldn't be toying with other people's emotions like this!» 

  
He had been storing that all inside for a while now, at first patiently waiting for Bill to stop tip toeing around their situation and becoming increasingly irritated every day. 

«Suh-sorry for being consid–considerate!» the other one had then yelled, face red. Just as Stanley was about to reply, the phone had rang. 

«Yes?» Bill huffed, looking at Stanley with a sideways glance, to which he responded with a death glare «Eddie? Everything okay?»

Stan watched as Bill's expression went from worried to shocked to exhilarated «Bowers punched Hockstetter in the nose because he was picking on you?!»

At this point the fight was momentarily forgotten and Stanley pushed his ear to the phone trying to listen too. 

«Yes!» Eddie said, «He went all psycho on them, it was amazing like a scene from a movie!»

  
«Do you know why he helped you?» 

  
«No» Eddie lied, biting his lip «but I wanted to tell someone and I called your house. Maybe I'll try Richie's later.»

  
«Okay Eddie. See you tomorrow!» 

As Bill hung up, he was still in shock «Can you believe it? Henry helped Eddie? But why? This is insane!»

  
«Yeah» Stan was frowning so hard his forehead looked like it might break «it's weird. I wouldn't be so enthusiastic about it. What if he's planning on doing something to him?»

  
«Always so trusting»

  
«Always _so_ naive» the other commented, shouldering his backpack «See you tomorrow, maybe you'll have your feelings sorted by then. Or at least, I hope so.»


	4. Chapter 4

It was two weeks after having met Suzie that Eddie made his first move – or what he thought would be a good first move. 

  
They had spent an absurd amount of time together, studying at the library together, pairing up in classes, they even went to grab ice cream together one day. 

At first the Losers were a little shocked 8if not secretly the tiniest bit offended) by the fact that Eddie had made a friend outside of their little group. 

«Who is that?» Richie had skeptically said one day, after seeing the two 

part ways after a brief hug. 

  
«Suzie» Eddie had shrugged it off nonchalantly. 

Everyone had looked at him like he had grown a second head, knowing that he wasn't the friendliest of them all. Richie had obviously been the one who commented such a thing out loud, and Eddie hadn't taken it very well. 

«Okay, what is it? What's the problem with her? You don't even know her!»

«There's no problem at all, Eddie» Beverly had interjected «it's just that it's new, having friends outside the Losers Club.»

«How is this fair? _Richie_ has friends all over school, _Bill_ has friends because he is Bill, you know a bunch of people, Ben does too. Stanley s friends from church. But what, since I'm the big ass weirdo I can't have ONE friend that likes me for who I am?»

«We like you for who you are, too» Stanley said, brows furrowed «we're just looking out for you.»

«Well I don't need your protection! I am not made of china! And again, protect me from what? Suzie from Chem class?» he was furious by then, ignoring the stares people were giving them as they walked through the school parking lot. 

«I think you're being over dramatic» Richie said, «she your girlfriend or something?»

There was a beat of silence and they exchanged a look that said a million different things, until Eddie said «Yes.»

Bill nearly chocked on his saliva, Stan's brows shot up on his forehead, Beverly looked very pale, Ben was calmly letting everyone settle down and Richie – well, he looked like he might puke. 

«What? Is it so surprising that THE loser finally got a girlfriend?» 

  
«No!» they all said in unison, then Bill said «Congrats, Ed-Eddie! We're happy for you!» 

  
«Yeah, when are we going to meet her?» Ben said, smiling warmly at him.

Eddie paled at the thought of what he had gotten himself into: he had told them he had a fucking girlfriend, which meant he'd have to introduce her to his friends–only problem? She didn't know they were a thing!

Stanley and Beverly just kept staring at him skeptically, exchanging a look that Eddie didn't understand. 

«Good thing you found someone who is able to stand your hypochondriac self, Kaspbrak» Richie bitterly said, to which Stan coughed and his friend barked a laugh, suddenly normal «Just kidding, just kidding! Shall we go, fellas?»

  
And as though nothing had ever happened, they kept on walking to the bus stop sharing jokes and laughing, only Richie kept himself at distance from him and never spared him a look.

So, maybe word travels around fast, or maybe they shouldn't have shouted in the middle of the school parking lot, but Suzie showed up on Eddie's porch the same day. 

Pounding like crazy, her eyes nearly shot out of her skull as Sonia answered the door looking rather annoyed by the unannounced visit.   
The woman's eyes, though, lit up seeing a nice, neat girl standing on her porch. 

«Hi, my name is Suzie. Is Eddie home?» she politely asked, smiling. 

  
«Yes! He is upstairs, come in young lady. Are you his girlfriend?» Sonia asked, letting her in. 

  
«No, just a friend from school» she said through gritted teeth, thanking the woman for her kindness and going to the room she was directed to. 

«Kaspbrak, we need to talk» she said without much of a preamble, slamming his bedroom's door shut. 

Eddie, in the middle of writing something on a very mysterious sheet of paper, looked terrified of her volcano-like presence «Hi, Suzie, everything alright?»

«No!» she exclaimed, «Why are you telling people I'm your girlfriend? It's freaking rude! I never even knew you liked girls–» she started rambling, hands flying around, until Eddie decided to stop her by kissing her. 

It was very brief since she pushed him away, slapping him in the process «What the heck?!»

  
Eddie wiped at his mouth, only letting out a «Ew.»

  
«Ew?! I should be the one ewing, Kaspbrak! You owe me an explanation. Now.»

The boy sighed, falling on the bed behind him «I'm sorry, Suzie. I shouldn't have said that and I shouldn't have kissed you, but... shit. I'm in a very complicated situation right now.»

Suzie's eyes softened as she saw his eyes glaze over, and she sat beside him «Eddie, what is it that you go around kissing innocent girls?»

«I think I might be gay» he said, feeling his chest tighten and then explode of freedom by finally saying it out loud «or better, I now know I am gay.»

«And you used me as your experiment or something?» she looked a little bit hurt, but not mad. 

«That was the plan» he confessed, «but then I got to know you and you were so kind, intelligent, different from other people...I don't know. I didn't mean to make things go this way.»

«You're lucky I didn't catch feelings» she chuckled, trying to lighten the mood by pinching his side «but again, why kiss me?»

«Because!» he said, frustrated «I wanted to know if there was the slightest bit of a chance I would turn out normal.»

«I do feel flattered, but I'd say there's nothing wrong about liking boys. You like who you like, Eddie, that doesn't make you not-normal» she explained, squeezing his hand «and by what you have told me about them, your friends wouldn't really care if you told them.»

«I wish it were as easy as you say...» Eddie bit his lip, thinking about Richie and the way his curls fell in his eyes, or how extremely tall he had gotten...

«I'm sure you'll figure it out. I need to go now» Suzie announced, standing up «no more ambush kisses to poor girls, Kaspbrak! Go get them boys!» 

Sonia had gone out for the evening, leaving Eddie alone. 

  
He decided he'd update his list, so he sat at his desk and began thinking about what he wanted to write. 

Weird thing was: he did have lots of pros in mind, but no cons to match. Plus, the fact that he had admitted to someone that he liked boys had left him in a state of shock, feeling like his chest might explode from happiness and from anxiety at the same time. 

Just as he took the pencil in his hand, the phone rang downstairs.   


He rushed, taking the steps to at a time, hoping it was one of the Losers that wanted to hang out – he felt like he might die of boredom if he stayed in that house alone for a little longer. 

He fell right at the end of the stairs, felling an annoying pain flashing in his elbow «Shit!»

The phone kept ringing and Eddie scrambled to his feet, only he arrived a minute too late and whoever was calling had hung up. 

He cursed a little, then dialed the combination of numbers to see if there were messages left. 

After the usual beep, a man spoke through the record _«Sonia? It's Frank. Call me as soon as you can. The talk we had isn't over.»  
_

_What the fuck?_


End file.
